Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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