Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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