tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
