Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
