Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
