You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
