This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
