Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
