A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
