My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
