now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
