Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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