did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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