just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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