yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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