she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
