Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
