fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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