well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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