"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
