The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
