I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
