I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
