He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
