I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
