remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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