I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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