i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
