It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
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Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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