i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
