he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
