Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
