i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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