We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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