The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
