I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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