I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
