i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
