you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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