He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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