he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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