You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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