sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
