Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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