dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
