i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
time to smoke my breakfast
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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