i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's never too late to be topless.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
