did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
