the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
