We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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