Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
