New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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