He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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