So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
