just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
