I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pooping to opera.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
