Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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