That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
