Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
