Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
