i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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