Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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