whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
