the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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