At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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