She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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