That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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