Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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