the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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