This is not my ceiling
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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