I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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