Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
