i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I supernannyed him into submission
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
