Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
