She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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