i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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