I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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