my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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