omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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